Gettin’ My Rage On
Although most of your major religions would frown upon the idea, nurturing some well-placed hatred in your heart can be healthy. If you know where to focus your laser beam of unlove, you shield the innocent from being unintentional recipients of your rage. At least, that’s the theory I came up with this morning. So here are some examples of people it’s okay to love a little less:
- Nazis - it’s never, ever cool to be a member of such a pack of idiots. The slim red suspenders, the shaved heads, the raging hatred and what else? Oh yeah, the whole outlook on Jewish folk, Catholics, African-Americans, pretty much anyone who doesn’t have translucent skin and an affinity for crappy punk music. So feel free to hate these morons as much as you like.
- Suburban Gangsters – these are the kids slouching around with a “pimp-limp” and a ball cap with a straight-edge brim that is cocked to the side just a little. Although they pick up most of their gangsta-style ways from MTV’s programming, there’s a good chance their parents will give them their first car which, ironically, looks NOTHING like what you’d roll around in the hood with. Hard to be gangster in Jetta, yo.
- Sean Hannity – this guy is so sleazy, he makes used car salesmen feel “uncomfortably pressured”. While pounding his gavel of morality, I have a nagging suspicion there’s a scandal out there waiting to explode. Something that may involve an illegal-immigrants-on-Oxycontin-sex slave cartel. But that’s just a hunch.
- People who wear sunglasses that make them look like insects. This is patently ridiculous.
- Folks in skinny jeans. As suggested by Buns – and here’s his quote: “Guys wearing skinny jeans. This should never, ever, under any circumstances, be a choice for a guy to throw on in the morning. It looks like you stuffed your peri-pubescent ass into your sister’s ballet leotard on your way to the next Gap photoshoot. Even girls…really…you’re not doing yourself a favor here. Skinny jeans are just f—ing stupid on all of humanity.”
- Every driver on the road BUT you. They suck and you know it.
- Rabid zealots- doesn’t matter the faith, diet or fad; they’re gonna try their best to convert you. Get OUT of my face, before I lose control and my lack of muscle is rendered meaningless by my sheer fury. This is how folks get hurt, you know.
Who do YOU dislike?