Half Past Awesome

The Doctor Will See You Now

This past week a man was charged with performing illegal adult circumcisions in his home.

I repeat:

This past week a man was charged with performing illegal adult circumcisions in his home.

This is not a story I made up, nor is it one I found on Fair City News. This story is real, and it took place in Sparta, Michigan. And if you still don’t believe me, you can find a link to the news story here. Let’s take a moment to observe just how creepy this whole scenario really is.

According to local law enforcement, Thomas Huegel had “a makeshift operating room in his house”. Oh, okay, so this doesn’t sound weird at all. Continuing, the story indicates the amateur scalper would find his “patients” on sites such as Craigslist and Adam4Adam (which sounds suspiciously like a dude for dude kinda site. I should work for CSI with such sharp instincts). So far they have only been able to identify three “victims” but have ample evidence that there is a greater number of people who’ve been under Huegel’s knife.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

And, more importantly, would you people be willing to sit down and talk with me for a minute? Because I’d really, really, really like to know your thought process as you entered into this whole bowl of creep sauce. When did you come to terms with the fact that you were considering a circumcision performed by an untrained and unlicensed individual?

Look, I’m not here to judge. Actually, that’s totally a lie -  if you’re one of this clown’s “victims” there’s a pretty good chance you deserve his cut-rate services. I’m just beyond shocked that somehow this seemed like ” a pretty good idea” to you or anyone. Even though “he quite often wore a doctor’s uniform that really left the impression he was a medical doctor” according to one Lt. Kevin Kelley, did it never occur to you that this was taking place IN A HOUSE? Who in their ever-loving mind thinks to look to Craigslist for medical procedures?

Don’t answer that if I know you and you’ve done this.

I wouldn’t want it to get, you know, weird.