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My Latest Last Will & Testament

Tomorrow, I’ll be undergoing some sort of exploratory procedure. The details are somewhat murky, but the long and the short of it is that some people who practice this sort of thing will be trying to discover why I can’t hardly eat a solitary slice of apple without having a near death choking experience. Since… Read more »

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This Thing Of Ours, This Family

Nobody’s lives are really like that. And by that I mean “as depicted by anything you’ve ever seen on television”. I grew up on a steady diet of The Cosby Show, Family Ties and Diff’rent Strokes served as familial meals, and let me tell you I’ve learned one thing: I am not the son of… Read more »

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Taking It For Granted

Like most emergencies, this one came as a surprise. I was trying to enjoy a cup of cold coffee while sitting out in the sun, unremarkably bitching about the heat to Chris & Kristen. The patio of this particular coffee establishment faces a busy road, one that delivers people to strip malls of every stripe… Read more »

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Absenstee Fireman

Last night I hung up my firefighting gear for the foreseeable future. And by “foreseeable future” I mean “the next two weeks” since I have the attention span of a fly and two weeks into the future may as well be two decades. The family is heading out of Missouri, as mentioned in this post,… Read more »

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Where Are They Now? Part 1

To paraphrase any number of lyrics of a solid 80’s tune: times/people/seasons change. If you look to the cast page of this site, you’ll see that I’ve not updated it in quite a while and maybe you’re wondering to yourself “who are all these people that this idiot keeps referencing? Why am I on this… Read more »

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Second Rate First Class

So the direct flight from Springfield to LAX was an hour late in departure. Why? Glad you asked – it turns out that getting mouthy with flight attendants will get your ass tossed off of a plane, post haste. I’m not sure what sparked the whole incident (something about overbooking), but at some point Todd… Read more »

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Up In Smoke

The Lyin’ Dutchman, age 7 Smoking kills. Apparently, however,  it kills in a decidedly random pattern, as evidenced by my family. We seem to be tougher than cigarettes and there are quite a few of us who smoke like freight trains (present company exempt). We are the family that Big Tobacco wishes they’d known during… Read more »

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ILLITERAZI

“I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.” – Ron Burgundy Despite whatever impressions you may have formed from reading the rants I dole out here on this site, I actually do enjoy reading; yelling at the computer screen each time the schism between pop culture and real… Read more »

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That’s Me In The Corner, Choosing My Religion

I’ve decided I need to join a cult. After reading about how the Church Of Scientology is having conniption fits over the actions of some internet trolls (read here), I was left feeling like a spiritual Switzerland, with no dog in the fight. Sure, the guys who are attacking the Scientologists are nothing more than… Read more »

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Gettin’ My Rage On

Although most of your major religions would frown upon the idea, nurturing some well-placed hatred in your heart can be healthy. If you know where to focus your laser beam of unlove, you shield the innocent from being unintentional recipients of your rage. At least, that’s the theory I came up with this morning. So… Read more »