The Cast
December 19th, 2009
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The Wife: The unfortunate soul who was unknowingly tricked into dating me in a moment of weakness. Proof positive that stalking is still an effective method of courtship, her marriage to me occurred in Vegas in 2002 when I faked a pregnancy in order to make her love me (it seems to work on soap operas REALLY WELL). Currently operating a hair salon on The Compound and running roughshod over me and The Heathens occupies the majority of her time; unfortunately, I seem to get away with less ridiculous malarkey every day. |
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The Heathens: My sons and the apples of my eye. Already gifted with the ability to call their Old Man’s bluff on a regular basis, both of them are obsessed with wreaking havoc with weapons such as sticks and snorkels and causing general mayhem at the top of their lungs on a regular basis. The only recipients of my unconditional love, The Heathens are the very best thing to have ever happened to The Wife and me. |
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Bones: One of the Lyin’ Dutchman’s sons, my brother and OCD to the core, Bones is a photo editor with a bizarre passion for aviation, UFO conspiracies and cleaning the janitor’s closet he calls an apartment. He’s also fascinated with tattoos and Thailand…..only in our family. He’s got a killer photoblog here. |
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Buns: Yet another of the Lyin’ Dutchman’s boys, Buns is the physical specimen of the family at 6’ 10” and consumed with a burning desire to impose his tyrannical worldview on anyone who crosses his path. After achildhood of insanity at the hands of the Dutchman, Buns is now employed as apirate, hawking used computer hardware internationally to companies clueless enough to be seduced by his bull. That, and he looks to be trying out as an extra on the next Miami Vice movie, behavior which seems to work well in Santa Barbara. |
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The Dirtbag: A close compadre from the college years on the Central Coast. He is a hardcore conspiracy theorist originally from the Bay Area but now resides in Southwest Washington where he can lovingly caress his myriad firearms and scream at kids on his lawn. When not busy trying to kill some defenseless creature, The Dirtbag occupies his time custom building homes, chasing his unbelievably tolerant wife and muttering in agreement while perusing the Old Testament. |
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RoJo: Aka The-Truck-Driver-Formerly-Known-As-Dave, aka No-One-Sees-Me-Naked-Dave is another holdover from the college years. RoJo has an uncanny ability to make everyone in the room nervous, which makes him perfect in his career as a California Highway Patrol Officer. Despite his commitment to remaining uncommitted, RoJo is now married with a kid in SoCal and has attempted to curtail every tweaked out aspect that made him so original. That’s okay – we still have enough dirt on each other to make HIM nervous. |
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JoBoo: A fellow firefighter on Ladder Truck 2 (“The Tricky Two”), JoBoo is a native of Oklahoma and wishes to be referred to as “ruggedly handsome”. He’s also an avid golfer, Harley enthusiast and semi-professional consumer of cocktails. JoBoo is the one motivating my lazy backside back into better shape, and with his lethal wit, he’s a welcome addition to the firehouse kitchen table as well as to Station 2 (aka “The Deuce”). Currently single, ladies. Just letting you know. |
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Outlaw Trucker: The proud owner of the largest chainsaw on the fire department, Outlaw is a former member of The Tricky Two now riding on Engine 1, a world class welder/fabricator and about the hardest working individual you will ever meet. The Outlaw is known for his wide variety of vehicles from his 2008 Harley Street Bob to his 1970 Barracuda to his extensively modified 1977 Dodge Power Wagon. Want something mechanical built, fixed or created? This is who you go see. A word to the wise – don’t get this man angry. |