1.) Mind reading – I want to know exactly what others are thinking….the ladies and my enemies especially, so that I could formulate my next witty comeback
2.) Body image control – at the beach? I’m the strongest, with the chiseled physique. At a mustache growing contest? I’ve got the chops of a early century lumberjack
3.) Flight – because I am always late
1.) I’d want to have the ability to control time. Speed it up during the crappy parts (like the work day) and slow it down when I’m spending time with my hubby
2.) Invisibility, so that I can find out what people are doing (twisted, I know)
3.) Super sarcasm….it doesn’t sound like a superpower, but it would be to me
Ok so don’t mid mis-spellings and such as I am 22 oz of wheat beer into it. (By the way, karate chop to the throat on identity thieves; I will use my superpowers to cause you pain and death. If you want to steal from me at least have the decency to let me try to give you a shotgun blast to the chest.)
1.) X ray vision with selective use… need I say more?
2.) The ability to crush the throat of deserving perps with the power of my mind from a distance. Islamo-fascists beware as well as corrupt politicians and finance robber barons in the upper echelons of Wall Street. (Where’s MY bail-out bitch?)
It goes without saying that immunity from the law must accompany super powers because judgment by lesser beings would just be silly.
3.) Finally, the ability to fly so that I may distribute justice as Santa Clause distributes packages on Christmas
I don’t want to be a superhero, per se (after all, I read Watchmen comic books and realize what a burden it can be) so I decided to choose superpowers that would enhance my current life but not make me so obviously super – kinda keep my superpowers on the DL. After all, I love my current life sans super powers but there are a few things that could be better…
1.) Easy – I would have the power to be irresistible to all. Not just dudes, but gals too. How much easier would my life be if I said, “Mrs. Jones, Puff-Puff has pancreitis and it will require iv fluids, hospitalization and intensive therapy which will cost around 500$.” And Mrs. Jones looks at me with an adoringly silly grin and says, “Sounds perfectly reasonable, thank you for your expertise.” And there are a few dudes I’d love to intoxicate with my allure too – and frankly, without this power, it ain’t happening.
2.) I think I would like to be invisible at will. I don’t really want to eavesdrop on people and their conversations much but there are a few things I’d like to see without being the creepy freak who stares too much. This would satisfy my perversely curious side too (How DO super fat people do it?)
3.) I would love to be an instantaneous healer. For myself, that is. I wish injuries would heal immediately. This would include bites, scratches, back strains, sore knees, acne, broken bones, all of it. Just heal up fast. Is that too much to ask?