top-ten-july3-lyric-manglersFriday, and a holiday Friday at that; I congratulate you for getting to this point with your sanity. Perhaps this Fourth of July will find you and yours celebrating with parades, burnt hamburgers and overpriced fireworks. For my money, I’d rather be back in Cayucos, Ca. watching our funky hometown parade with the hordes of Central Valley tourists all looking to escape the heat by coming to the coast. Spend the day with the family, roll on down to the Old Cayucos Tavern for some blues that night, revel in the summertime fog with friends. But I digress. This weeks’ survey question went as follows:

There is not a one of us out there who has not mangled the lyrics to our favorite song, convinced that we got it right. Tell me the song whose words you unknowingly butchered, singing out at the top of your lungs, time and again. Mine? Easy enough: up until I was around 3o, I just knew that the lyrics to Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick In The Wall” went something like this: “The dogs of Hazard (as in Hazard County, home of the Duke boys)/ In the classroom” when in actuality it is “No dark sarcasm / In the classroom”

You sent the answers to me. I won’t lie: I had a few Pacificos to lubricate the ol’ creative process so I could rank and criticize (those are the responses from me in red) and came up with the following. It went a little something like this:

Number Ten

“Our house, in the middle of the street “– from Crosby, Stills & Nash– I thought was “outhouse in the middle of Australia”

I am more than a little shocked that of all the lyrics in all the world, you would not only remember, but lyrically mangle such a crappy song. And I THINK you may be confusing the song with Madness’ sonic masterpiece from the ’80s. But I am too lazy to look this up. Still, you rank, so 10,000 points to you.

Number Nine

This is the most ridiculous question ever, I butcher every song I sing, and to boot, I even sing the songs I wrote wrong; I’m awful!

The statement after the semi-colon is the first sign you’ve given all of us in the family that you are becoming self-aware. For that I congratulate you, and give you a big thumbs up. By a “big thumbs up”, I mean if you were here in Missouri I would slap you, yet again. Of my five brothers, you are the one we ALL feel sorry for.

Number Eight

I got “disappointment heartache on my knees” instead of “disappointment haunted all my dreams” in I’m A Believer (The Monkees).. Will that satisfy you?

Yes, it does satisfy me, and here’s why: I badgered this poor pregnant soul to give me an answer me ON DEMAND, THIS INSTANT, and this is what popped into her head. I love that The Monkees play on her life’s soundtrack; probably in the same way that I’m fascinated by how her husbands’ first love was a Datsun B210.

Number Seven

Well, seeing as how when I’m not sure what the lyrics are I just belt out “watermelon” over and over; I think I’ve jacked up quite a few songs in my time!!

Where in the hell do I meet these people? This is sheer genius! In fact, I will employ this method at the first opportunity, no doubt resulting in public humiliation.

Number Six

When I Grow Up by the PussyCat Dolls…I’m sure it says “I want to have boobies”, but apparently it says “I want to have groupies”! I want both!

And I want both for you, my friend. You deserve it all. 50,000 points for you.

Number Five

Mine sucks….Manfred Mann’s cover if the Boss’ song “Blinded by the Light”:
Until I was a senior in college, I gleefully sang the lyrics thusly:
“Blinded by the light/wrapped up like a douche/another ruler in the night
Instead of the actual lyrics:
“Blinded by the light/revved up like a deuce/another runner in the night”
Bonus points: I know for a fact I sang that sh*#  karaoke style at a party back in the day (which was a Wednesday, in case you were curious)

Okay, so this was a very popular lyric to jack up, as indicated by the number of people who used it as an answer to the survey. YOUR choice made the list for two reasons: 1.) you used the adverb “thusly”,which, according to Websters was coined in 1865 and last used in 1869, so there’s that. And 2.) you threw in a bonus fact. Well played, sir.

Number Four

It was 1995 at Betty’s Billiards on Glenstone when a young man and his two closest friends climbed onto a flaming red snooker table and in their best rock and roll baritone voices their drunken asses could muster, yelled out “IN THE GARDEN OF EEDEN BAABY” for 15 long minutes.   They found out very shortly thereafter,  that the infamous Iron Butterfly tune was named In-Da-Gadda-Da-Vida.  Interestingly the song was to be called “In The Garden Of Eden”, but the singer was to messed up to pronounce it correctly…

Yet another case of the backstory giving this entry a high ranking. Of course, there’s a good chance this story is complete horseshit, but it amuses me. Good job.

Number Three

Much like when the man asks me “Hey what is that guy’s name over there ; the one in white patent leather shoes?”; I would have been able to provide a better answer to this, if in fact you had not even asked the question.  Looking back, I don’t recall the actual words that I sang before my epiphany.  I do recall, however, the song was Tesla’s Love Is All Around You (please leave your comments to yourself).  Evidently there was a part in the chorus over which I just mumbled.  Frankly I think Jeff Keith just mumbled during this part too, so for all I knew I was singing it correctly.  While attending a concert in which Tesla opened for someone that I forgot by the end of the first set, I sat in the lawn section with a group of friends and cohorts.  Don’t knock the lawn section; you know that is where all the action and entertainment happens.  I vaguely remember someone smuggling in some paraphernalia in my bra; so you can imagine that my senses were at their highest (read: paranoid).  These heightened senses come in handy in many scenarios and today was my day to understand otherwise misunderstood song lyrics.  While laying on the blanket in the warmth of that summer evening, I interrupted what was a very deep and meaningful conversation (read: making out with my guy) and shouted “That’s what they say!” As you can imagine, that was not exactly the kind of shouting he was expecting but I was satisfied….er….happy.

Someone needs their meds adjusted.

Number Two

I wasn’t going to reply to this week’s Half Past Friday just because there are way too many song’s that I mess up daily. My newest one is Boy’s Boy’s Boy’s by Lady Gaga. I messed up by singing “fancy bars” instead of “fast cars”. The one I truly hate to mess up but you just have to is by the man I would turn my “get out of marriage” card in for. His europe/folk singing I just can’t grasp. J—-  knows all too well who I’m talking about. I had to look him up on just to grasp what he says. The sad thing is, is that I still listen to the songs trying to get what he is saying. What a sad life I lead sometimes.

Okay, so here’s why you ranked so high: your answer makes no damn sense at all. I’m pretty sure you’re crazy, and for that reason alone, I think I love you.

Number One

suicide blonde = super salad bar

Here’s my recommendation to all you out there reading along with me – don’t be trying to down a frosty adult beverage when these answers come rolling in; you’ll only end up with a laptop screen covered in beer. Priceless, my friend.