There has been too long since last we met for the Monday Mud. I thought that for new readers, it might help to run through the rules, so that we can have some more interaction and this becomes more than just a vain rant. Each Monday, I put up the Monday Mud, wherein I give three things the “Raising Of The Pint Glass” and three things the “Karate Chop To The Throat”. If you have any ideas, or items that need to be either lauded or chopped in the windpipe, drop me a line, and I’ll put it in for the next week. Also, at the bottom of Moday’s post there is a survey question to which I want your responses. The wittier and funnier they are, the better chance of them making the top ten list, which is posted the next Friday, after a night of imbibing and scientific ranking. Many of you out there are far funnier than I could be, so it’s YOU to whom I appeal. I hope you find your wit, and when you do, send your answer to email@example.com Now, it’s on to this weeks heroes and villains………
RAISING OF THE PINT GLASS
1.) Rec League Hockey Players, et. al. – there was a rec league tournament held here in Springfield this past weekend, one that involved teams from as far away as Omaha (home of the Mutual of and the Wild Kingdom). Good folks who appreciated a good beer and the company of a bunch of wanna-be puckheads. I salute you guys! Good times were had by all!
2.) Dr. Price – after years of battling the effects of aging, gravity and those kids, The Wife finally got to have her back pain relieved by having a, er, um, “lift kit” modification. Already feeling well enough to verbally abuse me again, she is grateful to the nth degree to have had the work done. Can’t say I’m not a fan, either. A brew for you, good doctor.
3.) The Two Dudes – after putting our busted clothes dryer at the end of our gravel drive with a “free” sign on it, two Whiskey Tango specials in a beat to hell silver mini-van pulled up within the hour and loaded as fast as a shipment of stolen electronics. Bets were laid as to how fast it would take to get it ganked. I lost, but got rid of trash in the process. Ah, for cheap thrills. We toasted their boosting speed and skills by raising our cocktail glasses to their mullets as they sped off into the sunset.
KARATE CHOP TO THE THROAT
1.) Surfey the Hermit Crab – in your epic battles against Spiderman, your hermit crab compadre, you somehow ripped off one of his claws (the big one, btw) and left a once macho king of the habitat little more than a one-armed exoskeletal freak. At least get rid of the evidence, so I don’t have to explain THAT one to the youngest Heathen. Chop to you.
2.) The Month of August – you serve no purpose. Kids hate you because you represent the onset of school. I hate you due to the humidity that causes an ungodly amount of sweating in places where the sun don’t shine. My lawn hates you because you do nothing but kill it with a lack of rain. You should be stricken from existence. At the least you deserve a backhand to the throat.
3.) Whoever Is Sponsoring THAT Ad – we have an ad running around the radio dial out here stating how we are so “lucky to live in the Ozarks”. I’m telling you, whenever you have to CONVINCE people that they are lucky to live in the land of the cheap, it just comes across as desperate and contrived. I know it costs little to live here. I know that there’s a church on every corner. And you just piss me off when you have to take out ad space to remind me of it. Especially in August. CHOP!
Half Past Friday Survey Question
It’s deserted island time – give me your one movie, one food, and one album .
Tell me the why. Make me laugh. And send your answers to firstname.lastname@example.org
Till then, take it easy amigos……..