deserted-islandBack again, for your viewing pleasure, is the Half Past Friday survey. This week I got several bizarre responses to the question: “deserted island time – what would your pick for one movie, one album and one food be?” Apparently, more than a few of you are concerned with self-abuse. That’s okay, I guess, in the big picture. Also, many respondents wanted to consider alcohol your food…..and that is a very practical way to look at your time on the island, as far as I’m concerned. Finally, I don’t know why some of you were so damn concerned about an electrical power source…..these are theoretical picks, not a reality based scenario that I intend to inflict upon an unsuspecting public. If that was the case, I’d let you take two movies and an ipod. The very best answers made the list, for which the will be rewarded with self-esteem and prestige among their colleagues. Yeah, right. Anyways, here’s how they stacked up:

Number Ten
Movie-Moulin Rouge.  I could practice all the steps and words to the songs and pretend that I was an actual cabaret girl, a.k.a extremely talented hooker. 😉
Album-Soundtrack to Moulin Rouge of course! I could work on my singing voice while sunbathing on the island.
Food-Steak, preferably tri-tip, I could sustain myself for awhile on the protein and build up my dancing muscles, and do you know how fucking awesome I could look if I didn’t eat carbs?! But wait, I would be on this island alone and there would be no one to take advantage of my awesomeness?  Screw it…give me CHOCOLATE!

Our first hooker on an island reference….very smooth. Tri-tip and chocolate complete the ensemble. The only thing missing was bacon. Outside of that, you are one foxy mama. This list is your new home!

Number Nine
One Movie:  Pretty Woman! Rodeo Drive Baby!  Prostitutes and polo fields, love, sex, shopping, fast cars, fancy hotels, and one of the most quotable movies ever.
One Album:  Bob Marley, Legend. I once had a Bob Marley cassette stuck in my little red Toyota Tercel hatchback (yes, you could make it go Flintstone style by just sticking your feet out the bottom) . . . the tape would just play over and over again . . . and I NEVER got sick of it.  And, what would go better under a couple palm trees on a deserted island but a little Bob Marley?
One Food: This one is tough since I like to eat and I like to eat everything.  How about drink?  But, then I would have to pick between coffee and wine and that is pretty much impossible.  I am going to go with peanut butter and honey sandwiches.  A little bit of nostalgia, mixed with a little sweet, a little protein and one handed yumminess.

I dig all your choices, save for the Pretty Woman call. On the flip side, I find prostitutes to be mildly misunderstood angels, so that’s kinda hot. Especially if they are like Julia Roberts.

Number Eight
When I first got this wonderful question, two things went through my mind: Do I answer seriously or with an out outrageous joke?  But then i realized, this is actually a really hard questions.  I mean sure we played this game when we were younger, with answers like: Commando; pizza and GnR, but now its so much harder; I began to struggle with simplicities like; do I take a sexy movie for the boredom or a classic!   After serious contemplation and a failed relationship I think I might have a serious answer:
The Movie: The Big Lebowski.  A truly classic comedy that one can watch over and over.
One Food:  Definetly Rum.  I would just eat coconuts, but come-on, if you’re on a desert island, its gotta be rum.
One Album:  Full Circle – Pennywise. Best punk album ever written.  Somehow the picture on me drunk on an Island, running around crazy listening to punk and reciting the “Dude” around a roaring fire seems to be mildly inviting to try out.

The fact that you gave this some thought and that I agree that Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski is a slacker-style Ghandi for the ages is what put you on this list. However, “rum” is not a food and THAT is why you are considered a putz for the ages. The Dude abides

Number Seven
Had you said favorite thing to eat, this would be a very different list.  But you said specifically food,so…
Food -Bubble Gum, boat loads of bubble gum (still technically not a true food, I suppose).
Movie -Escape from Gilligan’s Island.
Album-Chariots of Fire Soundtrack.
Why, you ask? I’m certain that Gilligan must have tried, at one time or another, to get off the island by balloon.  I would fast-forward to that section.  And I would need the Chariots of Fire music to give me enough motivation to blow up a big-A balloon, which is what the boat loads of Bubble Gum is for.
Had you said favorite thing to eat, I wouldn’t be trying to get off the island.

You are one sick, sick puppy. Perhaps Burning Man was a better fit for you than everyone expected.

Number Six
The movie: Sudden Impact. Yeah, because Clint’s that good. And I remember San Francisco from those days before the liberals hijacked it and turned it into the s—hole it is now with bums crapping in the planters in broad daylight and before everything on Market Street smelled like urine.
The food: Choice grade ribeye steak or Porterhouse like Erica J. used to bring home to Santa Margarita. But don’t let her pan fry it. Cooked over a half barrel homemade BBQ with local red oak and a pot of McLintocks Beans with some fresh French bread. Nothing green on my plate. Good beer from Portland, OR and some dogs fighting in the living room for entertainment.
The tunes: Offspring Smash or Inay on the Hombre or Led Zeppelin In through the out Door.
What can I say….classics are classic and I am old .

What part of “deserted island” lead you to believe that there would be a living room available for dog fighting? Outside of that, it sounds like a perfect set up. If only Marcus “Ed” Bunn were there to cook it.

Number Five
Movie – Realizing that rescue wasn’t likely, that there would be no chance of any further human contact, and that, even though I somehow had the means to watch a movie (WTF?), my existence on this island would be dismal and depressing…..“Weekend at Bernies”. This movie would inspire me to gash my thigh with a conch and wade out into the tide, hoping for a quick death at the jaws of a shark.
Food – My number one comfort food…Fruit Loops. A bowl of these sugar coated halos will make everything alright. Got me through two divorces and has kept me from murdering Plaintiff #2 on many occasions. Oh….and some beef jerky, for protein. And some tortilla chips, with avocado dip. And my Mom’s lasagna. And a Twix. And a fu@#$%$ Mountain Dew, son.
Album – Baking in the sun, sound of the surf, sand between my toes…anything by Kenney Chesney…so I could cut my ears off with an oyster shell, and pierce my ear drum with a sliver of palm bark. How about the Beach Boys “Endless Summer”? Or maybe a Jimmy Buffet “Best of” collection? The island theme is screwing me up. Ok. I got it. Soundtrack. “Saturday Night Fever”. The BeeGees kick ass.

How about some Ritalin and Xanax to go with your smorgasbord of personalities? I take comfort in knowing that at least you won’t be lonely.

Number Four
You know, If I wanted to be boring I could sit here and state my favorite movie, food, and album which would probably end up along the lines of Predator, Mai Tuna Tacos, and the Led Zeppelin collection box set; but for some reason my sexual vigor won’t allow this…
I’d first like to think the reason for my arrival on this “deserted island” was because I tried ridding North America of zombies from a killer plague, but in failing I swam 50 miles to my sandy paradise. Once ashore and regaining my nutrition from coconuts and wild berries I would a construct a Tarzan like apparel. I then would set a picnic like setting with bamboo shoots and cabana style leafs. This of course an abode for my oh so precious chocolate covered strawberries in a hollowed out coconut; all in time for the convenient arrival of my divine jungle goddess. (Luckily by this time ABC has added Megan Fox to the cast list of The Lost). After being her shoulder to cry on during the watching of the notebook, we would induce to repopulating the island to a Barry Lanilow Greatest Hits CD. One can dream no?

Okay, so your picks aren’t exactly groundbreaking, but your back story leads me to believe that you REALLY do believe we have zombies running amok in the good ol’ U.S. of A. That and you need some professional help, but that goes beyond saying….

Number Three
After much pressure, I have decided to overcome my protest against the sheer impracticality of this question (where IS the electricity going to come from?) and pick what three items I would take.
Movie: As tempting as Howard the Duck may be,I originally was going to choose Castaway,mainly as a reminder that I must NOT lose my sanity and befriend a volleyball (which of course I would have due to the electricians leaving it behind). But on further consideration,I have decided I would want Swiss Family Robinson so I could study how to build a really kick ass tree house and befriend a baby elephant. Also,it would make great reference material for building a tiger pit or making homemade explosives to defend myself from the pirates,The Dharma Initiative, or The Others from LOST who would inevitably appear.
Album: I would bring Chaino’s Jungle Mating Rhythms (circa 1950 something),because a girl’s going to get lonely and may need to attract the local natives. I’m sure there will be a communication barrier, but primal bongo beats should get the message across.
Food: This one was a little tough,but I think I’m going to go with a potato. Not only can they reproduce,but they come in handy for a a variety of things. Professor Hinhede and his assistants once lived for three years on potatoes. Who he is and why,I cant imagine,but I looked it up. Aside from the obvious nutritional value and the ability to make vodka,I could also use the potato to cure indigestion from eating crappy island food,cure headaches,polish shoes,cure warts,make a decorative stamp,make soap,remove broken light bulbs(which there will be on this deserted island obviously),demonstrate osmosis,play hot potato,clean rusty knives…the list goes on and on. I’m pretty sure you can make a battery out of one for when the blackout occurs.

This just proves you are batsh–t crazy. Or pure genius. Or maybe a little of both. Potato…..I love it. Idaho gold star for you.

Number Two
I was sitting here thinking what movie I would like to see over and over and over again and I initially thought I’d just go with my favorite movie ever – The Station Agent.  But then I realized I’m probably going to be on a deserted island ALONE.  So, it’s gonna have to be porn.  You can choose which one as long as it isn’t 2 hours of man on man insanity.  The bonus is that you really only need about 10 minutes of it per viewing so you won’t really see the whole movie for potentially a couple weeks.  Won’t get old as fast. I know, I’m a genius.
As for albums, I think Abba’s Greatest Hits will be nice to listen to until someone comes to rescue me…and goes great with porn.  I’ve always kinda felt like Abba’s onesie shiny unitards would be porntastic anyway.
All this talk of Abba and porn has really got me hungry for some pizza.  So, pizza it is.  It’s just that simple.

The first lady in the survey to utilize porn on the deserted island scenario…..and for that I toss you mad crazy props. I love pizza and ABBA equally and think we’d look damn good in some matching unitards. To the UnitardMart we go.

Number One
Movie – Debbie Does Dallas because your alone on an island and your gonna need…. well, you know.  Does this island have a DVD player?  And if so, is D.D.D available on DVD?
Food – Fried Chicken.  Then when your done eating, your hands are greasy which will be helpful with…… anyways..
Album – Pink Floyd, The Wall. You’ve got some upbeat, some mellow, and on MY deserted island there will be a certain plant growing wild there that will compliment The Wall very nicely.

Oregano, I presume?