Monday again in these Ozarks finds me back at the firehouse, complete with the ritual shaming of co-workers, indulgence in sweet tea plus a visit from a psychotic homeless woman who has completely captured our hearts. More about her in a moment. The weekend showed us the first signs of an awesome fall, with incredibly cool temps, sounds of football straining onto the front porch from a radio and the windows kicked open with the attic fan running. I hope that the dog days of summer truly have left the building, as they are one of the least appealing aspects of Midwestern living. As is Monday tradition, I give you the Mud ~ the weeks heroes and villains, as well as the survey question for the Half Past Friday post. Remember to send your finest to email@example.com. Hope the week finds you all cool as a fall day in Missouri.
RAISING OF THE PINT GLASS
1.) The Bentons – Brad and Carie hosted one of those “Passion Parties” – but this time it was for couples. Normally the realm of hysterical giggling women, it takes a certain set of stones to go to one of these things as a man. But it takes even bigger clankers to host it. Good times were had by all (or so I’m told), and for that I raise my pilsner glass to you, amigos!
2.) Fire Station #2 – In light of the troubles with the economy, the pension fiasco and other assorted tales of woe, sometimes it takes the kind of humor firefighters slap one another with to make for a great day; this was highlighted by E—-, our new homeless friend, who came into the house and informed us that “I’m pregnant and seeping something”. Yeah, she’s pregnant and I’m the Pope. A brew for the lads.
3.) Crack Tea – when the summer months are here, one of the firehouse traditions is to brew up sweet tea the likes of which will put you into diabetic shock. Although no substitute for the beloved bean, it makes for an old-school energy drink that’ll rot your teeth and guts out. I love it. If we could drink beer on duty, I’d raise a Guinness to the institution of Firehouse Crack Tea.
KARATE CHOP TO THE THROAT
1.) Pluto haters – I grew up believing that Pluto was two things: a planet and a dog. Stupid scientists from the International Astronomical Union crushed one of those beliefs three years ago with their re-assessment of the icy planet. That’s right – it’s a planet. And today, apparently, a debate rages on as to it’s merit within the universe. I return Pluto to Full Planetary Status and chop the throat of the IAU haters. Stop with the revision of my childhood science schooling.
2.) Lindsey Lohan – she just irritates me.
3.) Steven Seagal – he’s apparently starring in a new reality series on A&E, having milked the “Killing Immigrant Drug Dealers” movie genre bone-dry. What won’t we do as a society for our fifteen minutes (extended in his case by about 20 years)? Apparently, nothing. 7th degree black belt in Aikido Karate Chop to your throat, you ponytailed putz.
HALF PAST FRIDAY SURVEY QUESTION FOR AUGUST 28TH
You’re just a small town girl (or boy), livin’ in your lonnnely world, you take the midnight train going anyyyyywhere. So tell me where you’d go, if you were to pick right now, and why. Make ’em funny as ever, and the top five will make it onto the Friday survey. Mail the results to firstname.lastname@example.org, then check in Friday, amigos.