Hey amigos! The Monday Mud has been on hiatus for a bit, but it’s back with a vengeance this week. Below you’ll find three things worthy of respect and disdain. I hope everyone is doing better than can be expected by the time this finds you. Don’t forget to answer the survey question at the very bottom, and send your answers to email@example.com. Until then, take it easy, my friends.
RAISING OF THE PINT GLASS
1.) Hockey Season – I suck at hockey, but I’m really good at drinking beer afterward. And the season means the end of hot weather, the familiar stench of the locker rooms and the old familiar chest pains after each shift on the ice. I love it. All of it. I raise my cold Guinness to you, sport of lunacy.
2.) The Show-Me-State – it’s fall here, and the colors are making their annual appearance. I dig it. I dig the cold nights and the firing of the shop stove.
3.) Sea Shanties – Around this time of year, I get a real bug to go traveling. I want to see other parts of this world, and this desire to roam is succinctly addressed in several of the sea shanties blaring from these tiny computer speakers. I’d like to explore new countries, learning local customs and traditions; I think I’d start in Ireland with a tune by Flatfoot 56.
KARATE CHOP TO THE THROAT
1.) The Kardashian Family – or any “reality” television “stars”. Unless you’re seeking a familial implosion, why in the name of all that is right and good would you invite the world into your home night and day? These people are vain, attention-starved weasels who would sell their sick grandma down the road for another ten minutes of air time on the E channel. And, like justifying the horrors of Roman gladiatorial contests, the only answer I can find is “that’s what people want to see.” What people? I would lump said people and the Kardashians, Lohans, Simpsons and Jon& Kates all together and collectively chop their throats. THAT would make for good reality television.
2.) Bumper Sticker Pundits – while I agree that brevity is the soul of wit, it can also be the soul of the witless. Sticking to party lines because “you just should” is ridiculous in and of itself, and marks you in my eyes as incapable of independent thought. I give you a whack to your throat and challenge you to think for yourself for once, for crying out loud.
3.) My knees – What the hell? I am trying to get my aging ass into shape and now you want to act up, giving me shooting pains and making me stagger around like a seizure-prone silverback. I don’t appreciate it one bit, and I’d rid myself of you if I could get away with it.
Half Past Friday survey question for the October 16th.
What was your best Halloween costume ever? Those with pictures go to the top of the heap. Best of luck, make ’em original and legit and I’ll rank the best for Friday.