In one of our final installments of Cast Updates, I thought you should meet some of the latest players. This way, when random references are made in posts, you can put a face to the poor saps I mingle with on a semi-regular basis. Without further ado, I present four more cases for self-medication.

Mr. Double Dutch

Thunderchicken: also referred to as “Ryan The Sadist” in posts, Thunderclucker is a coach at the local CrossFit Springfield. He’s also an MMA fighter and some sort of former college football stud – all traits that lure me into talking trash to him whenever I get the chance. Thunderchicken spends an inordinate amount of time picking my brain for creative ideas, only to claim them as his own later. As soon as I figure out his Achilles Heel? I’m gonna use it to choke him out until he either declares me superior or at least acknowledges the guy who comes up with all of his brilliant ideas. In the meantime, I’m sure he’ll continue to screech at me in the gym, and I’ll be left to sob in my own pool of sweat. You can catch posts about him here, here and here.

Hotwire, Uh, Flirting

Hotwire In Heat

Hotwire: here’s a man who you will find in the dark corners of the greater Springfield metroplex, making deals and getting people to owe him life-debts. Normally in the company of his best friend and business partner Taco, Hotwire is in the owner of an electrical company, but he’s never far away from his wide menagerie of toys and good times. One of the calmest people to roam the planet, he is, in my own words, painfully stable. That is, until you’re in his debt – then you owe, and he’s gonna collect. I try and crack his facade of mellowness on a daily basis. No such luck. He takes great joy in my fear of electricity, and torments me about it every chance he gets.

Tall, Dark & Hairy

El Jefe: A good friend for almost a decade now, El Jefe is a fellow firefighter in Springfield, driving Ladder Truck #3 as well as owning his own HVAC business. More importantly, he was the co-founder of the motorcycle gang I started, despite my not owning either a motorcycle nor the license to operate one. He’s also a fellow California ex-pat, us having grown up 25 miles apart. El Jefe is a rabid concert fan and can appreciate a wide range of music from Metallica to Flogging Molly; this is a founding principle of our as-of-yet-unnamed gang. As soon as I pick up the dual sport in a couple of weeks, I plan on us wreaking havoc on an unsuspecting public. At the very least, we’ll wreak some mild irritation on our wives.

Gar, me hearties. Gar.

Gar, me hearties. Gar.

Smoothed Out Pimp

The Pimp & The Pirate: One was Firefighter Of The Year. The other one is bald. One walks with a limp. The other one is the station captain at Firehouse #2. One rides a Harley and invented his own form of martial arts he calls “Crocker-ate” (Crocker being the town from which he hails). The other one screams at homeless people on a regular basis, yet will describe himself as “compassionate”. Any way you cut it, you can’t have one without the other at Station 2, and together they make up half of the Engine crew. They profess a jacked-up deep and abiding bromance for one another, spending an unhealthy amount of time together, both on-duty and off. Nobody else understands the chemistry these two have, yet both are convinced they’re going to the top of the department – together. They’d have it no other way.